Picture of Week 36

Here is a picture of my ever growing profile taken on Thanksgiving morning. I have a scrapbook page of every other week and I have surely grown!

We are really getting to the point where she could come and it would be okay. I hope to make it to December 15th- we have a baby shower left, I have one last hair appointment and a couple of holiday parties that I hope to make. Beyond that, I feel pretty ready.

My reading has shifted from being pregnant to being a Mom. I am now reading about scheduling, feeding, etc. It is exciting and overwhelming. I know my maternal instincts will kick in and that I have all of you to call and ask questions of. Thank goodness!

I found a blogger named Kelly in Arkansas who could be my best friend. She loves the same things I do and is expecting a little girl a few weeks after me who she also waited a long time to concieve. I read her blog on ocassion and a recent post said some things I have thought, but couldn't put into words.

What I AM scared of - TERRIFIED actually - is being her MOM! I worry that I won't do the right things or start her off right from the beginning. That I'll mess something up from the beginning and never be able to reverse it. I'm scared I won't make all of her childhood memories perfect. That I'll forget things like leaving cookies out for Santa or making traditions just for our family or carving the perfect pumpkin. I'm afraid I'll forget to take pictures that I wanted to take. I'm afraid I won't praise her enough and help her to have a good self esteem or that I'll praise her too much and make her a spoiled brat. I'm afraid I'll cross the fine line of wanting to give her the WORLD and teaching her that we already have more than we need. I'm afraid I'll want to shelter her from ever experiencing rejection or failure but I won't equip her to know that life isn't fair and she won't always get everything she wants. I'm afraid I'll dress her up like a princess every day and won't remember to tell her that "pretty is as pretty does" and that kindness is more important than looks any day. I'm scared of her getting hurt. I'm scared of feeding her too much or not enough at first. I'm afraid that she'll be that child that teachers and Sunday School teachers see coming and say to themselves "Oh dear - here comes the Jenkins girl". ha! When I was younger and not even married (and maybe even last year) - I had ALL the answers on how to be a good parent. ha! But now that I am about to be one - I feel like I know nothing.

Some of these are a humrous exaggeration, but overall I really feel like parenting is a balancing act and I hope Marcus and I can find the right balance. I hope that just being aware of these issues gives us a fighting chance for success!